| Posted: Sat Dec 19th, 2009 02:45 pm |
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1st Post |
onehotzonie
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One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for
an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a
parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This
seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man
asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his
feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet
began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then
held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune
changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran
home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw
her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man
replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped
out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the
shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle
bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out
came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold
the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he
answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between
Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little
parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:
 "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19th, 2009 02:42 pm |
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2nd Post |
onehotzonie
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MAMA & HER BIBLE
Four brothers left home for college, and each became
very successful. Some years later, they chatted after having
dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said "I had a $100,000 theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her".
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible,
and you know she can't read anymore because she can hardly see.
I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the
entire Bible. It took twenty priests 12 years to teach him. I had
to pledge to contribute $10,000 a year for twenty years to
the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the
chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other
brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
" Milton , the house you built is so huge. I live in only one
room, but the whole house has to be cleaned. Thanks anyway, Mom"
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my
groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The
thought was good. Thanks. Mom"
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound,
that could hold 50 people. But all my friends are dead, I've
lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it.
Thank you for the gesture just the same. Mom"
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good
sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was
delicious. Thank you. Love, Mama"
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| Posted: Thu Dec 17th, 2009 04:59 pm |
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3rd Post |
areyounotkidding me
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The Obama Economy is So Bad...
The Obama economy is so bad...that Chris Matthews' leg has quit tingling.
The Obama economy is so bad...that Rush Limbaugh is smoking Swisher Sweets.
The Obama economy is so bad...that the Grey Poupon guy has switched to French's.
The Obama economy is so bad...that the White House china is actually being made in China.
The Obama economy is so bad...that the President is changing his slogan to "Hope and Spare Change!"
The Obama economy is so bad...that Nancy Pelosi is selling earmarks for 1/2 price.
The Obama economy is so bad...that Saturday Night Live is thinking about telling an Obama joke. The Obama economy is so bad...that the President is running a small business on the side. It's called GM. The Obama economy is so bad...that Rosie O'Donnell is losing weight. The Obama economy is so bad...that Kenya now claims he wasn't born there. The Obama economy is so bad...that Al Gore is selling carbon credits on late night television. The Obama economy is so bad...that Bill Ayers has to make do with M-80s.
The Obama economy is so bad...that the White House plans to cut Hillary Clinton's hours. The Obama economy is so bad...that Barack's pyramid is on hold. The Obama economy is so bad...that Michelle fired her nanny and learned her children's names. The Obama economy is so bad...that the airlines are installing pay toilets in coach. The Obama economy is so bad...that you can order checks pre-marked "Insufficient Funds." The Obama economy is so bad...that Congress is planning a spare change for clunkers program. The Obama economy is so bad...that Americans are being caught sneaking into Mexico. The Obama economy is so bad...that the Chicago mob is laying off judges. The Obama economy is so bad...that Jesse Jackson is renting a limo. The Obama economy is so bad...that it only takes one lick to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop. The Obama economy is so bad...that Motel Six won't leave the light on for you anymore. The Obama economy is so bad...that they now ask at the burger counter, "Can you afford fries with that?" The Obama economy is so bad...that the federal stimulus checks are bouncing.
Just a bit of fun, I hope nobody takes offense. We need more humor since the Obama economy is so bad....
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| Posted: Sat Dec 12th, 2009 01:39 pm |
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4th Post |
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